The My Favorite! column is a weekly celebration of all things joyful. The parameters are simple. I asked some creative friends to write a few sentences about something that gives them great joy. Could be anything. An album or painting. A cloud shaped like grandpa. Or in this case, vengeance.
In this fast-paced world of negativity, there are few “simple pleasures” left in life. A child’s laugh. A cool fall New England day. And for me? Revenge on my enemies.
With all the “re-tweeting” and “checking Friendster” forced upon us by modern times, we forget how simple and palate-cleansing some good old-fashioned revenge can be. We all agree that revenge is f’ing great. But how often are we taking the time to commit these deeply satisfying acts of vigilantism? The problem starts in the school systems. We should start teaching revenge to our children early. Recently, I tracked down my third grade teacher and slashed the tires on her fat-person scooter to get revenge on her for failing to adequately teach me about revenge. In addition to revenge, my second favorite thing is irony!
Revenge shouldn’t just be an occasional random act. It should be a lifestyle. In 1996, a woman named Claire Downey who worked at a Saturn dealership was rude to me on the phone. As revenge, I manipulated the international auto sales market to ensure Saturn went out of business and then had sex with her husband while her housecat videotaped it. It’s true what they say: it’s the little things.
I’d say my favorite act of revenge ever was on a former friend I’ll call “Nick Z.” One time, he didn’t return an email in a timely enough fashion, so I paid off all his medical providers to convince him he had MS. It turns out he actually DID have MS, which kind of ruined the joke. Still, I’m a “glass half full” kind of guy, so I’d call my plan a success!
Revenge! Not just for assholes anymore! (But mostly for assholes.)
Brendan Boogie is a filmmaker, writer, actor, and musician in the Boston area. His feature film SUNDOWN makes its theatrical premiere at the Massachusetts Independent Film Festival on Sunday August 27 at 4:30pm. For more about the film go to www.sundownfilm.com. Get tickets here.
Also, hear him on the DoT Podcast here.
Want to share your joy?
You can participate in the My Favorite! column. Just send me a paragraph or two about something that makes you delightfully happy, a short bio, and a photo of yourself. If you have a photo of the happy-making thing, that would be great to. Get in touch at firstname.lastname@example.org