“You have to be ready for anything when you’re a parent. One time my son was three years old. We come back from the drug store at the mall, he pulls a candy bar out of his pocket. Now, I didn’t buy him a candy bar, I know he didn’t pay for it. So we jump back in the car, we drive back to the mall, and this time, we went to a jewelry store. You gotta strike while the iron’s hot.” — Brian Kiley, Conan writer, stand-up, and author. Kiley was the first guest on The Department of Tangents Podcast, which debuted March 18, 2016.