After careful consideration, the editorial board here at the Department of Tangents have unanimously decided to throw our support behind “Nubbins” Sawyer in the 2016 election for president of the United States of America. We did not come to this decision lightly. We carefully weighed each candidate’s policy statements on the economy, social issue, and foreign policy. We took character into consideration. Electability. Dancing skills. Fashion. Body temperature.

In the end, it was the last issue that pushed us over the edge for Nubbins. As Nubbins has been dead since 1973, he is the candidate who can do the least damage of any in the field. True, he can be tossed about like a ragdoll and made to dance against his will, but this is a quality each candidate shares equally.

And so, with honest hearts and clear minds, we declare for Nubbins 2016.