{"id":3744,"date":"2019-10-16T06:00:57","date_gmt":"2019-10-16T10:00:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nickzaino.com\/departmentoftangents\/?p=3744"},"modified":"2019-10-16T04:15:01","modified_gmt":"2019-10-16T08:15:01","slug":"dhff-2019-the-horribly-slow-murderer-with-the-extremely-inefficient-weapon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nickzaino.com\/departmentoftangents\/2019\/10\/16\/dhff-2019-the-horribly-slow-murderer-with-the-extremely-inefficient-weapon\/","title":{"rendered":"DHFF 2019: \u201cThe Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>Every day through October, the Department of Tangents brings you the Daily Horror Film Fest \u2013 one short horror film for every day of the month. It might be terrifying, it might be funny. It could be an homage classic monsters or something entirely new. Check back every morning for a new scare as we celebrate horror shorts! <\/em><\/p>\n<p>If I were giving out a prize for commitment to premise, \u201cThe Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon,\u201d written, directed, and narrated by Richard Gale, would surely be the recipient. It would also win for transparency in titling. <\/p>\n<p>Gale could have made his point with a three-minute film. But that would make the murder efficient and not at all terribly slow. This is a ten-minute trailer parodying a movie with a running time of over nine hours, according to the narrator. For that entire time, forensic pathologist Jack Cucchiaio is chased by a madman with a spoon, and the life is drained out of him one tiny dull thud at a time. He can\u2019t escape. Everywhere he goes, the madman is there. Thwump thwump thwump. <\/p>\n<p>There is a joke structure that follows this principle \u2013 something is funny, it is repeated until it\u2019s not funny, and then repeated again until it becomes funny again. Letterman used to do that all the time, especially to save a joke that didn\u2019t work. This short does it for ten minutes, and manages to work in a Psycho tribute and a bit of actual gore. <\/p>\n<p>It will find you. It will catch you. It will hit you with a spoon. Again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/9VDvgL58h_Y\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Every day through October, the Department of Tangents brings you the Daily Horror Film Fest \u2013 one short horror film for every day&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3745,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3,1422,5,386],"tags":[2357,2437,2436],"class_list":["post-3744","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-comedy","category-daily-horror-film-fest","category-horror","category-movies","tag-dhff-2019","tag-richard-gale","tag-the-horribly-slow-murderer-with-the-extremely-inefficient-weapon"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/nickzaino.com\/departmentoftangents\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/Horribly-Slow-copy.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7lGwW-Yo","jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nickzaino.com\/departmentoftangents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3744","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nickzaino.com\/departmentoftangents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nickzaino.com\/departmentoftangents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nickzaino.com\/departmentoftangents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nickzaino.com\/departmentoftangents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3744"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/nickzaino.com\/departmentoftangents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3744\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3747,"href":"https:\/\/nickzaino.com\/departmentoftangents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3744\/revisions\/3747"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nickzaino.com\/departmentoftangents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3745"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nickzaino.com\/departmentoftangents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3744"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nickzaino.com\/departmentoftangents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3744"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nickzaino.com\/departmentoftangents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3744"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}